देश के गे लोगों का दुर्भाग्य

HE

I vividly remember that there was a guy (22 – 24 years old) in our locality about whom my friends used to say that he was a gay (though they didn’t use this word 10-15 year ago, as we didn’t know such word at that time, they probably used some derogatory  word for referring to his sexuality). There was no connection of mine with this guy who was 5-7 years elder to me and I had very small friends’ circle and especially when this guy used to have friends ‘like him’ who used to wander together in the streets spending most of their time outside home - like most boys of that age who were not studying further.

Despite I having very limited knowledge about this guy and absolutely zero interaction with him in person, I knew that people used to say awfully bad things about him. I used to think that this was partly due to his own ‘shameless’ behaviour in front of other guys ( as I had seen him talking not just in an effeminate way but also behaving in a manner which I could correlate only to eunuchs who used to extort money from people on certain occasions). Somehow I was afraid of facing him or even enquiring about him in detail (despite having strong desire to do so partly to know my own sexuality better and partly due to my ever curious nature, I never interacted with him). I always used to think how this guy  was surviving in such a hostile social milieu as I had personally felt the humiliation a few times due to my shy nature which seemed girlish to some bullies in my all boys school. I was so afraid of being ‘caught’ and humiliated again that I used to hesitate in talking to some “hunks” in my school (Despite all of this some most ‘bullish’ guys in my class became my friends, but that’s another story). The very surprising thing about this guy was – he had absolutely no trouble in talking to any guy in our locality. He used to interact with all of them seamlessly.  

As we were in same locality I saw him growing older and behaving in a little more matured manner. His hand gestures were now more restricted and had grown a thick beard. Later, I came to know that he got married with a girl (“!!!!”)

Due to being busy with my own career and education, interactions with local friends dropped to zero and I hardly had seen him in last 2-3 years. But today, while returning home after attending a function I saw him again. He was  coming from opposite direction in his trademark style with 1-2 guys with him, walking without any kind of hurry. As he walked past me, he stared at me like he used to stare boys... I don’t know why, but it felt so strange… First time, he didn’t seem abominable but pitiable.  

Rest of the way, I was wondering why did he marry a girl in first place? Why did he marry  a girl despite most of people knowing his sexual preference? How he was able to walk down the street with head held high? How was his marriage acceptable to society? Was he still going out with boys and having sex with  them? How does it feel, when you are suppressing your real self… for rest of your life? I am sure he must be in touch with other gays with social media… how would he be feeling seeing two guys together? And many other similar questions.

But later I thought that his case wasn’t any different from those gays on Facebook who shall always remain in closet and also marry a girl to satisfy their family and shutting mouth of people in society! In their hearts, all these gays would know who they are, despite that they would be marrying a girl… isn’t that enough to bend their heads in shame? Only difference in case of this guy is that others also know about him…! But to any truly honest person isn’t enough that he himself know about himself that he is a cheater? And what about the pain and feeling of imprisoned in someone else’s dreams by not perusing your own?

I know questions and examples are too many but answers and solutions are few! May God give such people the capacity to think realistically about future… that’s all I can say for now.

~ Prove That Gays Can Love Too.  

Mature Love

Let It Find You

Open Challenge

Criminals as Judges?

Has the honourable judge erred when he talks about possibility of appointing a criminal (read "Gay") as a judge of SC or HC?

What do courts want? Should we forget about the December 2013 judgement of SC?

Apparently Sidharth Malhotra supporting Gays?

Comments Please???

Two Minutes of Silence

The Unfortunate Reality

कल एक पड़े लिखे और समझदार किस्म के व्यक्ति से बात करके बड़ा अजीब लगा. 28 वर्ष का वह व्यक्ति अपने को गे स्वीकार करने के बाद भी स्वयं को उस ओर ले जा रहा है जहाँ सब कुछ अंधकारमय है. वह अगले ही वर्ष एक लड़की से शादी करने वाला है. सबसे अधिक दुर्भाग्यपूर्ण बात यह है कि वह यह सब उससे अत्यधिक प्यार करने वाले एक 22 साल के लड़के के मिलने के बावजूद कर रहा है. वह लड़का उसको गले लगा कर रो भी चुका है... अपनी शिक्षा के बाद भी वह ज़नाब अपने को सामाजिक नियमो से इतना अभिभूत मानते है कि कभी एक लड़के के साथ जीवन बिता पाने के बारे में सपना भी नहीं देखते!

प्रश्न यह उठता है कि जब एक उच्च शिक्षा प्राप्त और आर्थिक रूप से सक्षम व्यक्ति इस तरह समाज के बनाए अतार्किक नियमो में जकड़ा हुआ हो सकता है तो एक कम शिक्षित एवम आर्थिक रूप से कम सक्षम 22 वर्ष के किसी गे से क्या उम्मीद की जा सकती है?

पर अपना अनुभव बताऊ तो अक्सर मैंने उन्ही लोगो को साहस दिखाते देखा है जिनकी सामाजिक एवम आर्थिक स्तिथि अधिक नाजुक होती है. इसमें शिक्षा ओर विद्या का अंतर भी साफ़ हो जाता है... शिक्षा प्राप्त कर भी ये लोग सब प्रकार से परतंत्र ही है... क्योकि विद्या के विषय में तो प्रसिद्ध ही है – सा विद्या या विमुच्यते!! अर्थात विद्या वो है जो आपको मुक्त करे.

विपरीत परिस्तिथियों के बाद भी जो गे लोग लम्बे समय से एक साथी की तलाश में है और लगातार मिलने वाली असफलता से भी जिनका निश्चय नहीं बदला है उनके इस पक्के इरादे की भूरी भूरी प्रशंसा!! 

Terribly Need Such Moments In My Life

Now That's A Kiss of Love

Nice Message ... Nicer Way...

Walking Together...

यूँ ही साथ साथ चला करें... कभी खत्म अपना सफ़र न हो...

Cute... Isn't it?

Rolling around while kissing is just too damn cute

Those Moments

Waves of Love

A Reminder

"Forced Equality"

These days I see people working so hard to prove two unequal things equal. A big reason for this is by doing so you can show others that how tolerant you are, further it also gives you the advantage of ‘political correctness’.

As a gay we all know that opposition to homosexuality is twofold - one emanating from social set up of our world and other from religious perspective. The first one is easier to handle as it’s proponents are not that rigid and are ready to listen and change their minds. But those who give religious arguments for opposing gays are really difficult to handle for the simple reason that they just won’t listen to any argument beyond their religion. And despite being at the risk of politically incorrect, I will have to say that the only major religions in the world who institutionally oppose homosexuality are – Christianity and Islam. Though in Christianity the opposition is not as much because of a religious text as is found in Islam. There are several texts in Islamic religious books which simply prescribe death penalty for being a homosexual.   

But some people who are proponents of ‘forced equality’ find it hard to digest. Therefore they drag other religions to prove practices of other religion are also anti-gay. In India particularly, such people leave no stone unturned to force feed people to comply with their idea of ‘forced equality’. But logics really cease to exist in such debates because here a stand by a political party becomes a religious stand irrespective of what religious texts actually say!

Just for sake of pleasing such people I refuse to agree to them that Hinduism and Islam are alike! How can a religion where so many examples are there to prove that gays (and people with alternate gender or sexuality) were treated equally be equated a religion which talks about destructing a whole city of homosexuals?? Similarly, a religion where you can attain ‘moksha’ irrespective of your sexuality be equated with a religion which says being homosexual is a sin punishable with death by stoning in public?? Hypocrisy must end by calling a spade a spade. But comparisons eventually turn into the advocacy of one and nick - picking examples to demean other because the debate was not being conducted with open minds. You were already going with a predetermined notion to prove equality which never existed.

In the end I can just offer my condolences for such people.   

(Readers are requested not to give any communal color to what I have said. I have just drew a comparison which shows that Islam is an anti-gay religion and most of Muslims are proud of this fact; in such circumstances, any gay has to take his own call how to deal with it while praising other aspects of Islam. In my opinion religious teachings cannot be segmented. We should take an overall view of things)