A Straight Privilege?

An educated, good looking young man was discussing a marriage proposal  for him with his maternal relatives on his mobile phone in the metro train this morning. It was amusing for the people who could listen to his not so quiet conversation. One could discern that the young man was taking an extra care to make a final decision about the girl and as a pre-requisite was asking for his maternal relatives’ help. It was clear that stamp of approval from relatives from paternal side was already there and the same was required from relatives from maternal side. It was also clear that the boy liked the girl as he mentioned that the looks of girl matched to a great extent with his relative he was talking to (probably a woman).

Listening to this conversation I recalled how much care a former colleague of mine was taking while selecting a girl for his marriage. His family members were equally active, careful and worried. From complexion of the girl to her height and from her educational qualification and nature to her brother’s background, everything was being thoroughly analyzed with utmost scrutiny.

Indian marriages obviously require collective efforts of many relatives and a rigorous pre-marital match making. And all this support is available to a straight person without even asking for the same. The rendition of all these services by parents, family and relatives, crystallizes immediately on birth of a straight individual. What an advantageous  and enviable position! And this very luxury of getting your better half no matter what makes most of straights oblivious to the harsh reality faced by a fellow gay human beings. And why just blame straights, even the most gays too never realize this disadvantageous position vis a vis marriage.  As soon as a gay individual realizes that he cannot live alone and start his search for his better half, his lone fight starts. Leave alone family members’ support and help, he faces a constant fear of rejection from their side not only of his choice but also of himself. He usually finds no friend by his side who might guide him through this. He sees no precedents, no role models which are necessary to encourage him. On the contrary he faces an acute scarcity of genuine candidates who are actually willing to solemnize and honor this lifelong commitment called marriage.

Still, all these difficulties does not validate the renunciation of the idea of gay marriages. After all this lonely battle (for 2 or 3 or even 10 years) is far more better than the lifelong loneliness or the self imposed curse of a ‘straight marriage’.  Even if 50% of the gay population realizes this fact and act accordingly, I am sure that it would trigger a chain reaction where more and more gay people would come forward to accept  and exercise their natural right. And the more people begin to exercise it, the more it will be deemed normal by society. But the tragic fact of life is - gays themselves are presenting their thoughts as the biggest hurdle.  They want a comfortable transition, which in my view is never possible. Yet, even though on a micro scale, things are changing. There is a younger generation among gays too which is rebellious. They are ready to face any amount of opposition for getting what they believe they deserve. All my bets are on these young people. Even though it may take time but I am hopeful that I will hear a conversation in my life time from a gay person, like the one I heard today in the metro train.