Tops & Bottoms

Observation of various classifications made by society, makes us so habitual to it that we can’t restrain ourselves from classifying things. I wished that such classification shouldn’t have existed among gays, but perhaps by default it was bound to happen. Still the classification of gays in ‘Tops’ and ‘Bottoms’ always seemed unnecessary to me yet  it appears that there are certain inherent characteristics which can’t be ignored. And such characteristics are not limited to the way of taking pleasure during sex rather it goes much beyond this.

People too must shed the stereotypical image of effeminate
bottom gay man. Prejudices are always harmful.

A man must be respected as a human being, irrespective of his sexual orientation and in the similar way a man who is gay by his sexual orientation, must be respected irrespective of being ‘top’ or ‘bottom’. While a mixed population of tops and bottoms should have secured an equilibrium, but it is not the reality. On the grounds of reality most of the so called ‘tops’ just by the virtue of being a top, are at luxury of marrying a girl. In fact it suits them more because by doing so they don’t have to come in the direct line of firing by society. The way of having extra marital affair with a boy, is always open and many satisfy their need to be with a boy by walking on this path without any remorse.  I would like to keep such people out of discussion as I have criticized them a number of times at length for their selfish and deceiving nature.  Therefore we are essentially left with those few tops who actually want a relationship with another man.  And when it comes to relationship, their default choice is not necessarily a pure bottom guy, and no matter whatever problems this choice may create for genuine bottom gays who want a top for a lifelong relationship, one has to respect such choice.

Indeed, life is tougher for a gay who also happens to be a ‘Bottom’. The path of marrying a girl is usually not an option for a bottom gay. Not only it is due to the fact that they think that they can’t satisfy a girl sexually but also due to the reason that they need the support of a ‘man’ in their lives. This compulsion leaves them at the mercy of few honest tops and versatile gays. Each one of us have the dream of finding a life partner who is best in each and every respect and no one can be blamed for keeping his/her standards so high in this regard. Irrespective of tops and bottoms, a gay by his very nature wants a ‘man’ in his life and therefore effeminate bottoms usually fail to find anyone. Many reconcile with their destiny by accepting the harsh ‘reality’. But often life is the name of compromise not only for those who are not fortunate enough but also for those who are generally considered in an advantageous position. For each man there are certain principles which are negotiable and others which are not negotiable. Self-respect, individuality and equality certainly belong to the second category in case of most of us and rightly so. But habits, preferences and expectations are often negotiable, although the degree of their negotiability differs from case to case. Therefore what is the harm if some amount of flexibility is shown in such areas by those bottom gays who feel that due to their effeminate personality they are not able to find anyone? And, if you believe me, such flexibilities are necessary for commencement of any relationship. A person is usually loveable, but it takes some amount of time for other person to realize this. I make it clear that I am not asking anyone to misrepresent his or her nature to the other person to woo him, but at least try to present yourself in such a manner that the other person is willing to invest his time in you and know that you are a wonderful person. After such mutual realization you become more and more accommodating and then tiny dislikes do not matter just like the little flaws in your own personality do not matter much. But somehow ice must be broken.

Throwing tantrums right from the beginning is not good for any relationship although at matured stage it becomes a rejuvenating game essential to maintain the fluidity in a relationship. But if a bottom gay thinks that it is his birth right to do so right from the beginning, he must be gravely mistaken. These days many young bottom gays are heard saying that there is no one for them. Immaturity associated with their age along with desperation to see all their friends engaged with someone can be understood, but how can desperation coupled with inaction benefit them? At the same time I feel that it is only the time which can teach them such things, instead anyone’s lectures. Friends are only there to help you and sometimes guide you. Rest all is up to you. J